LobsterTales 2

LOBSTER TALES 2

                                                                                            By: Carole Blake

Those who have read my book* (all five of you) might recall the piece I wrote called “Lobster Tales”. It told the story of the time my husband and I were in Florida, and we decided to go to the local Red Lobster Restaurant. I absolutely LOVE lobster. I love it steamed with butter sauce on the side, and I love sucking out all that delicious meet from the little legs…the claws…whatever! Anyway, when the waitress came to our table, I happily gave her my order, and – hard to believe – but she told us that they were OUT of lobsters! Red Lobster OUT of lobsters??? How could that possibly be? Well, the good news is that after I wrote them a letter, they sent me a coupon, and…I wrote a pretty cute article about it, and so it wasn’t a total tragedy!

As they say in the movie business, cut to a few years later. Last week, as I was doing my regular weekly supermarket shopping, I saw that the Sea Food Department was having a sale on fresh lobsters! Instead of the usual $9.99 per pound, it was $5.99 per pound, and so I headed over to that part of the store. There were two “Sea Food guys” (I don’t know what else to call them!) behind the counter, and the younger one said, “Can I help you?” I said the following: “I’d like 2 small lobsters, but…please…I want you to make sure they’re dead!” I stipulate this whenever I order lobsters after having seen the movie “Annie Hall” years ago. There was an unforgettable scene in which Woody Allen’s and Diane Keaton’s characters try to cook live lobsters, and in the process of dropping them in the boiling water, the lobsters screamed and wiggled…and well, you just wouldn’t EVER want to experience THAT!

So the Sea Food guy went in the back room and shortly came back with a large see-through plastic bag containing the lobsters. He put them on the counter, and…THEY WERE CRAWLING ALL OVER EACH OTHER! Every little leg was moving and scratching! I said, “I wanted them DEAD!” He replied, I killed them. The older guy was observing all this, and he spoke to his co-worker: “They’re NOT dead! You gotta split them with your knife!” The younger guy rolled his eyes while shaking his head. He grabbed the bag and said, “OK…OK…I’ll kill them again!” I’m starting to feel a little guilty at this point, but not enough to take wiggling, scriggling lobsters home! Finally, the lobsters were delivered to me the way I had requested. I steamed mine, broiled my husband’s with breadcrumbs on top, and we really enjoyed our dinner.

This week I was shopping at the same Supermarket. I was in a hurry and rather pre-occupied while wheeling my cart in and out of the aisles. Suddenly there was a huge commotion! Some crazy guy was running through the aisles, pushing carts aside, and screaming obscenities. I was really scared, and when I heard him getting closer to me, I quickly moved my cart to the side of the soup aisle. He saw me do that, and he made a punching motion with his arm…knocked down about 20 Cream of Mushroom soups…and started talking to ME: “You made me a murderer! You made me KILL those poor lobsters!” It was the young Sea Food Guy! He was coming closer and closer…and then…I woke up! It was just a bad dream! Phew!

Now, every time I think about the whole experience, I have a good laugh. Hope you do too! (Hope lobsters don’t go on sale too soon again!)

*My book’s title is “Help! My Face Has Fallen and it Can’t Get Up” (Amazon)