Family Forum: Should Kids Share a Room?

Like everything else that has to do with siblings, there are pros and cons to sharing a bedroom, and a lot can depend on the children's genders and ages, and how you handle the situation.

Experts agree that it's probably best for each child to have their own room, since it allows kids to have privacy and develop their own space, which becomes a piece of their identity. But don’t feel guilty if your kids have to share. This isn’t one of those make-it-or-break-it parenting decisions. Rather, it’s all in how you manage it.

Practicality plays a large part. If your children must share – or want to – take note of the benefits of being roomies. With a sibling, you're never lonely. Children learn how to share; they learn respect for common spaces versus private spaces; they learn important social skills, like how to negotiate conflict, and they develop a sense of closeness. And they have someone to help chase away the bogeyman.

Sharing usually works best when the kids are the same gender and no more than four years apart. After that, there will be developmental differences to contend with.

It can be also be hard for older siblings to share a room with a baby. If you must put them together, keep the baby in your room for a few months, then gradually increase the amount of time the baby spends in the other child's room.

If your children are different genders, be mindful of their feelings about nudity and sexuality. As children get older and become more sensitive about their bodies, pay attention to their needs. Usually as they approach puberty, they'll ask for their own room or they'll show discomfort with each other. Try to work around your space limitations to ensure them some privacy. You can put up a screen or a curtain and make sure they take turns to dress.

When siblings of any age are roommates, parents usually have to do a lot of negotiating. Listen and respect their concerns.

Don’t fall into the trap of catering to the older sibling's needs or the younger sibling can feel like a second-class citizen in their own room. You can foster closeness between siblings by having them share a space, but only if they both feel they have control over it.

Conversely, once the older child asks for his or her own room, try to honor that wish. The older child's needs take precedence when they reach the age when privacy is an issue. Don't restrict the growth of
the older child to accommodate the younger.

When there’s no space available, try to develop a personal space for them, even if in the family room or another area so they have a place to go when needed.

There should be hands-off places for all kids, like their bed or special
boxes just for them. In each case, rules should be that a sibling’s bed or box is “by invitation only” so they feel they have some say in their personal space.